Ugh, the dreaded weight scale. I recently returned to Dublin after almost three months in North America. Between studying for back-to-back board exams, working on residency applications, travelling and completing electives, it suffices to say that I have not been eating the best.
All this time, I had managed to push all the weight-gain thoughts out of my mind, because ignorance is bliss, right? Why is the thought of putting on weight so paralysing and fear inducing? I happened to be in the Phoenix, Arizona during Labor Day weekend. I decided to throw on my bathing suit and go for a swim in my Airbnb’s pool…bold (and short-lived) move in 40°C weather. I was listening to an episode of Glennan Doyle’s podcast, We Can Do Hard Things, where she talked about how our world’s impossible beauty standards have caged women. Women are constantly inundated with what beauty should like…so much so that it has implicitly permeated our brain space. It affects our self talk, our thoughts and body image, our relationship with ourselves and others. We are raised in a society where all things natural are generally thought to be repulsive. Body hair? YUCK. Wrinkles? Oh my days INJECT THAT IMMEDIATELY. Tummy rolls? How could you let yourself go?
Ah, the knockout blow of “letting yourself go”. Glennan and her sister Amanda discuss this concept of “letting yourself go” in the same episode. As if the worst thing a woman could possibly do is not live up to the preordained beauty standard! Even if you are at the top of your game, your ability to conform to beauty standards can ultimately define your success and worth. Pretty sad, right? If you haven’t taken a listen to this episode (titled “BEAUTY: How did we get trapped in this cage, and how do we break free”), I highly suggest you do. I felt so incredibly heard and seen after listening to it…it was empowering to say the least.
So as you can see, these beauty ideals are etched so deeply it takes conscious effort and discomfort to deprogram them. I may have gained some weight over the last few months, but I have also gained such incredible insight and experiences in the same amount of time. I have felt genuinely proud of myself, for the first time in a long time. The work I was doing felt fulfilling and gratifying. I felt mentally strong. And emotionally well. But when I look in the mirror, those extra pounds often overshadow the light of these other accomplishments.
So yes, overcoming impossible beauty ideals is a daily challenge. I have days where I feel at peace and whole, and others where I feel hopeless over my weight or angry skin. But I am actively trying to deprogram those self-destructive thoughts and focus on the things that are filling and nourishing my cup. Ladies, have you ever felt caged by these standards?
Here’s to putting in the daily self-work and breaking free from those cages!
SINCERELY MILLIE 